By Renée M. DeLuca, born Christina Beata Pellini
I was born Christina Beata Pellini on January 7, 1964 to Linda Pellini—exactly one week after most states began closing and sealing all adoption records. Thanks to a mutual consent registry, I was reunited with my birthmother when I was 30 years old, just weeks after giving birth to my own daughter. I have since reunited with my birthfather and his family as well. Though I now know who my birthparents are, I am not allowed to own my UN-amended birth certificate from Providence Hospital in Washington, D.C. unless I petition the court. Today I work with Adoption Network Cleveland and the American Adoption Congress in advocating for open records for adult adoptees. November is Adoption Awareness Month, and I want U.S. citizens to be aware that not everyone is granted equal rights in this country when it comes to owning your own birth certificate.
Here are a few books from my adoption shelf that I think express the feelings that come from being part of the adoption triad in this country:
Girls in Trouble by Caroline Leavitt
A poignantly written story of another teenage pregnancy, but with a twist: Sara Rothman chooses an open adoption for her baby. But how open is too open? As the story moves into the future, we’re given a look at what consequences there are for all. I love this story for its depiction of a young birthmother’s profound grief and feelings for her baby long after she’s supposed to have “forgotten.”
You Remind Me of Me by Dan Chaon
Another tale of a birthmother scarred forever by having to give up a child, a baby boy; interestingly enough, author Dan Chaon is a reunited adoptee himself. The birthmom in this tale eventually has another son—who is left to seek the older brother he never knew. Chaon’s empathy for his characters as they verge on destruction and redemption is palpable.
Ithaka: A Daughter’s Memoir of Being Found by Sara Saffian
In the world of adoption reunion, we most often hear of adoptees seeking their birthparents to know their own stories—who they are and how they came to be. Writer and adoptee Sara Saffian received a phone call that changed her life forever: a woman calling from out of the blue claiming to be her birthmother. It turned out to be true, and the way in which Saffian reconciles the life she’s been leading with the one she might have lived—it turned out her birthparents married and had three more children—is beautifully rendered. Like I always say, life is messy.
A Ghost at Heart’s Edge: Stories and Poems of Adoption edited by Susan Ito and Tina Cervin
This anthology of 50 short stories and poems follows the emotion of adoption from every angle: birthparents, adoptees, adoptive parents. We see all the joy and pain that comes from losing and gaining people in our lives through tragedy and circumstance, and travel the road of what might have been. The ghosts in these stories are real.
(The necklace pictured above, from SToNZ, was inspired by the American Adoption Congress’ 30th national annual conference in partnership with the Adoption Network Cleveland last year.)
